I have had an awful day…. I haven’t been this angry in a very long time. Every time I think I get it under control it comes back full force, worse than before. I am so fed up with this company its not even funny. I am tried of the favoritism showed some people and the lack of understanding shown to others. I can’t imagine how any of it could be made any better. There is no solution. There is no “quick fix.” Yet, I am sick of dealing with it all. I want out in the worst way, but I know I can’t leave. I know my leaving will do nothing to fix the issues. I know my saying something will do nothing to fix the issues. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and it SUCKS!

It took me until lunch today to remember this song from AG in FoCo during high school. But when I did, it was exactly what i needed to hear. I keep going over the lyrics in my head knowing they are true, but not wanting to give it all over to Him yet….

God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world we’ll leave
God will save the day and all will say
My glorious!

-“My Glorious” as sung by Delirious?

I know God is bigger than this situation, and I know He will save the day, its His timing I am not willing to trust…. How spoiled is that? I am holding onto this so tightly not because I don’t trust God to take care of it and save the day, but because I don’t want to have to WAIT for Him to do so. I’m such a baby sometimes.

Lord, I repent of this attitude right now. This situation is not my own to deal with. You are the only one who can make any sense out of it all. You are the only one who can make people understand their decisions. Come be Lord in this situation and make the outcome bring Glory and Honor to Yourself as well as good to those who love You. I am sick and tired of holding this inside, I want out, but not out of the situation, I want out of this anger and worry and concern and all-consuming hatred. Because if I am hating then I am not loving. And if I am not loving I am not serving You. I’m sorry for my attitude, Lord. Change my Heart O God, Make it ever true. Change my heart O God, make me more like You. In Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen and Amen.

The above is the most transparent I have been on this blog. Writing is how I work things out in my head and in my heart. That is what this blog is about, not the situation, not the lack of answers, but the working out of something that is so incredibly frustrating to me….